A Sample Set of Proposed Agreements
A Sample Set of Proposed Agreements for One-One Dialogue
1. Each of us will speak for ourselves. We won’t try to represent a whole group, and we will not ask one another to represent, defend, or explain an entire group.
2. We will avoid making grand pronouncements in favor of connecting what we know and believe to our experiences, influences in our lives, particular sources of information, etc.
3. We will refrain from characterizing the other person/s views in a critical spirit or from attempting to persuade them to adopt our own views.
4. We will listen with resilience, “hanging in” when we hear something that is hard to hear.
5. We will share airtime and refrain from interrupting one another.
6. We will “pass” or “pass for now” if we are not ready or willing to respond to a question—no explanation required.
7. If asked to keep something confidential, we will honor the request.
8. We’ll avoid making negative attributions about the other’s beliefs, values, and motives. For example, “You only say that because…” When tempted to do so, we’ll consider the possibility of testing the assumption we’re making by asking a question, for example: “Why is that important to you?”
9. We’ll use email only for scheduling, not for substantive discussion.
10. If it becomes difficult for one or both of us to honor our agreements, we agree to negotiate a “Time Out” to cool down and refocus on our purposes.
